Transitions in Marriage

TRANSITIONS

           

This week was all about making transitions in marriage. These transitions take place as a child moves from being single, into marriage, and then into parenthood. In the book Till Debt Do Us Part, the author Dr. Bernard E. Poduska includes a chart that lists the different stages that a person goes through during their lifetime. This chart is:

These stages represent normal stages that the average person goes through.

In a book chapter titled Creating Health Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families, the authors Mames M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen talk about how to make the transition from being single to being married. One of the hardest things is building up a relationship with the in-laws. They list several things that can help to make that transition easier. They said,

“Adult married children can improve relationships with their in-laws by setting boundaries that will help ensure their marriage is strong and happy. Having regular contact and communication with in-laws also sends messages that couples value their relationship with them. Frequency of contact and communication that does not interfere with each other’s being first in the marriage are important steps for building relationships with parents-in-law.”

This means that it is important to keep in contact with parents on both sides, but you need to make sure that that relationship does not come before your relationship as husband and wife. That relationship always needs to come first.

            In the end of the chapter in Till Debt Do Us Part, Poduska talks about something else that is important in the transition into marriage which is managing finances. He offers ten financial principles that are very helpful. They are,

            “1: Financial problems are usually behavior problems rather than money problems.

2. If you continue doing what you have been doing, you will continue getting what you have been getting.

            3. Nothing (no thing) is worth risking the relationship.

4. Money spent on things you value usually leads to a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. Money spent on things you do not value usually leads to a feeling of frustration and futility.

5. We know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

6. You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need can never satisfy you.

7. Financial freedom is more often the result of decreased spending than of increased income.

8. Be grateful for what you have.

9. The best things in life are free.

10. The value of individuals should never be equated with their net worth.”

As we follow these principles of keeping in contact with our in-laws, but also establishing our independence, and managing our finances as a couple, we will be able to make the transition into marriage easier.